gratitude house

an update on settling in, clown dolls and jeff tweedy

Lordy lord, we have now been in our new house for a whole month! And I will say it has felt really hard this time around; the moving, the unpacking, the settling, and the making of decisions such as where to hang this or that — the whole shebang, just hard. We very much hope not to do it again - ever, or at least for a good long while.

This past week, Christopher was finally back in town after traveling for work, which meant we could really get down to it - the slow and sensitive work of making the place feel like our own. Or at least, feel less like the previous owners might walk into the room any moment and ask for some sugar.

The days have entailed much painting of many, many walls. Harumphing and dragging random bits and bobs and furniture out to the curb, handmade signs “free to a good home” affixed with blue painters tape. A quick, worried disposal of a scary clown doll that we discovered left behind in the garden (I did not get a picture - it seemed too risky). My eleven-year-old, Esme, whispered to me afterwards, “I don’t think we should have done that, I think we may have angered the clown.” I assured her it was fine, but I still am trying to shake the feeling that I was supposed to keep it, and no one told me. Perhaps it belonged to the house, and every owner before me knew to keep the clown happy in the garden. While looking the other way, of course. Eye contact, obviously being ill advised.

And so it’s been. Days filled with discovery, and much deep sighing, moving the ladder back and forth, yelling out “Does this look level?” while tilting, and scratching our heads. We’re lucky bastards, is what we are. Remember when I drove around for eight hours a day trying to find a house? Remember the fixer with the dead bats in the attic? Remember the houses (multiple houses) that were missing dining rooms? The house that would simply need to be “jacked up” in every corner, but would surely be fine — eventually? I do. I remember those houses. And I shudder. And I sit in gratitude.

And whilst I sit, we have and are currently collecting colds and flus like they’re a hot commodity. As if they were a treasure that is surely to appreciate over time. So they must be grabbed, held close, and often. I am happy to report, however, that even amidst the illnesses, they keep ‘em coming, plates piled with “round butter” crackers and pear slices, the baths run, just for them to get in, declare they’re done, and then get out again, I have continued to write! Miraculous, I know.

After my Hundred Day project (if you’re new here, welcome! I just finished writing for a hundred days, and you’ll find them all in the archive), I knew exactly what I had been given. A bright, cold, clean, and clear lesson. That I can indeed write, no matter the circumstances. And sometimes, writing when I don’t feel like it is when the good stuff happens. Also, sometimes it’s when the lousy stuff happens, but I get to do what I love anyway. If I put my butt in the chair as Anne Lamott likes to say, I will more often than not be surprised by what shows up.

Lastly, I will leave you with a found delight. I was reading Austin Kleon’s really excellent Substack post today, and he shared a quote by Jeff Tweedy. It made me happy, and I hope it makes you happy as well.

Have a beautiful night, my friends. It’s Friday. Have some pizza if you can. Make something, anything really, and put it on the fridge. Truth is, it doesn’t matter if it’s good. Just matters that you like it.

XO,

Sarah

gratitude house

P.S. I took a workshop with Darien Gee and Abigail Thomas recently and fell deeply in love with micro prose. I’ll be sharing more pieces that I’m working on here during the weeks to come. If you’re a writer or a human being, I can’t recommend their work enough. It’s good stuff.

Don’t feel like subscribing, but still want to support my work! Contribute below to my caffeine intake. As always, all forms of support are appreciated!

Thanks for reading Finding What’s True! This post is public, so feel free to share it.