We ran into a friend, who lives in the neighborhood that we’ve been looking to buy a house in. He knew we had been juggling not only our own worries, weights, and measures of all the pieces from our current journey. But also the unpredictable nature of buying real estate; the truth that even if we got our nervous systems sorted and clear on certain specifics, the universe might have other plans, and any deal we think we have made could fall apart.
I was sharing with him that feeling grounded and less like falling straight over every time I don’t have something to lean against, from pure stress and exhaustion, has been my primary goal these days. And so he warmly but earnestly offered a tool that he uses sometimes, when spinning out is an understatement. A tool to perhaps find some direction towards assurance.
His suggestion was to close my eyes, shake my shoulders a bit to get clear, and then see what the first immediate image was that came into my mind. He called it a kind of oracle experience. You’re looking for a subconscious visual to arise! The first thing that rises up! Will be a clue! A sign! I was hopeful. Unfortunately, the only thing I saw was the face of the dog he was walking, whose name was Drusila, and who was lovely, but not really helpful.
Perhaps it meant that I needed to get another dog, but I truly think that would not be wise, considering my current child and cat count.
However, as I was driving home, I closed my eyes, and I saw something. I saw a page, a page from Olivia Butler’s notebook that Kaia Preus had shared with me when I took her The Mother Writer course. It’s a stunning document, and Octavia has many others. In it, she just lays out what she has decided is going to happen in her life. And she declares, “So be it, see to it.” She was doing this in the 70s, before I’m pretty sure manifesting was even a thing! It’s kind of astonishing to read.
As I remembered the words, leaning my head against the car window, my first thought, perhaps from the oracle experience, was “This should be my tattoo! The one I have been waiting to get.” I’m almost 47, have zero tattoos, but I have always wanted one. Thankfully, I wasn’t driving, or I may have headed into downtown to make this happen. I love a good impulsive moment, and this one would have been very efficient at distracting me from the current real estate hell I was navigating. My next thought was, I wonder where on my body I could fit Mary Oliver’s “Wild Geese.”
And hey, like Octavia says, “All good things must begin.”
This is Day 85 of my 100-day essayette adventure!
If you’d like to support my caffeine intake as we tallyho on this adventure, all forms of support are appreciated!
For anyone new here, please excuse any grammatical errors over the next few months.
100 days of writing means I write, and I let go, and then…I do it all over again — all while caring for two small humans, a small nervous white dog, and a plethora of cats.
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If you’d like to join an adventurous book club / workshop / creative cluster:
We are beginning by reading Walking in This World by Julia Cameron.
The group meets starting October 19th, from 6-7:30 pm CST for 12 weeks (taking off for Thanksgiving and Christmas.)
We will read one chapter a week together, discuss, and work on the tasks as a group (on Zoom).
Once I get an idea of interest and confirm that this day and time works for the majority (there’s a spot on the link to suggest a different day and time), I’ll create a registration page for those who wish to register. It will be open to any paid subscribers.
If you’re interested, let me know here, and we will see how it all shakes out!
Yes yes yes!! Obviously, I love this. So be it! See to it!