light switches

Well my friends, my New Year didn't start out as I had anticipated. I got physically sick New Years eve with some sort of strange vague bug which put me on the couch and then woke up New Years day with a full on depressive episode. If I was a superstitious person, which I totally am, I'd say these are questionable omens. I've experienced depression since as long as I can remember (literally my first memories are of me looking up at my house as a four year old, squinting and thinking "what's the point of all this?" My early memories truly feel like an episode of Wednesday Adams on repeat. I was a delight let me tell ya) but I still forget what I need to do when it shows up to get out of it. It always feels like someone just flipped a light switch; Sarah's light is gone now and what we have left is just a dark quiet room; nothing to see here, just close the door and keep on moving. And in order to find that light switch I usually have to crawl around in the dark for a bit but I also have to remember as Glennon Doyle says "to take my damn meds." On today's episode I talk about depression, taking your "meds" (not simply the pharmaceutical kind), feeling around until you find that switch that needs flipping, and remembering to show up even when we feel like staying (aka hiding) in the dark. Lots of love.